Warning: This may get a little bit ramble-y. I'm trying to puzzle through this on the fly - please bear with me.
Church made me grouchy yesterday. It's been doing that a lot lately. Our head pastor recently departed, and it seems like the church hasn't been the same since (or even a bit before he left). It's definitely changed, and it's hard to put my finger on what exactly the difference is. I don't think that it's necessarily a vaccuum effect, as we have continuity in our remaining pastor, although, it may be tangentially related to that. Plus, I feel like our current pastor is really bringing his A-game to his messages. He's rocking some good scripture study.
I'm wondering if certain members of the church are trying to re-mold things in the former pastor's absence. See, the thing is that we're a multi-faith, Protestant chapel. Not all of our members' attitudes and dogmas coincide perfectly. Some of the change may be people trying to make the chapel line up a little more with their individual faith. I can write that off as growing pains.
It also seems like a really, really lot of our members are going through some stuff right now. Obviously, this has nothing to do with who is standing on the pulpit on a given Sunday. Perhaps some of my perceived change is just being in a room with a lot of people who are hurting. I could honestly spend one whole service just hugging people and crying with them - just letting them know that they're not alone. Not very practical, from a we-need-to-have-singing-and-sermon-and-offering-and-singing point of view, but, hey, it's how I feel.
Anyway, yesterday, as we left, I related to the Missus how I felt, counting through item after item of inconsequential things that all added up to me making this emoticon >:-( by the time we left. She suggested that, maybe, we shouldn't attend that church anymore, if I was so upset every week. Just that simple suggestion really stopped me in my tracks. That is certainly not the direction that I wish to go. For one, as I said, the pastor is really blessing me weekly with some good, in-depth, study. Also, I'm starting to build some good relationships there. I certainly don't want to leave them behind and start all over.
At that point, I really had to admit that I might be the problem. Well, not me, but my attitude.
So, where is the attitude coming from? Well, I think it may be the issue I had last month with some of my fellow chapel members. I think I've really been holding onto that, and it's coloring my overall experience when I have to be in the same room as them, which hasn't necessarily been as infrequently as I would like.
Yes, I am guilty of being unforgiving. It's made me a less effective Christian, and, honestly, a less effective member of the human race. The irony is not lost on me that a reasonably significant portion of my blog, to date, has been dedicated to convincing people to be more hip and groovy to each other and, here I am, stewing over some old stuff.
Here we go, then. You church members who I am upset with - I forgive you. I recognize that you will probably not read this, as we are not friends, nor will we likely be - and that's OK. I'm forgiving you in my heart, and am going to let last month's issue go. It's over and done with, and life goes on.
Whew. That feels better.
To the few of you who actually read this: thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I really do think the world will be a much better place when we can all figure out a nice, peaceful way to handle our disagreements. Obviously, I am not the perfect example, but I'm trying. Life's too short to spend it angry.
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